I am in a vortex of obligation.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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