I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
