i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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