it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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