Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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