I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
