My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
