i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
