Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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