I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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