Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
