Swine flu. Run for my life!
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
