My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
