she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
