Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
