Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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