This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize