i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
there was a trapeze. enough said
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
