check it out our google latitudes are spooning
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
