I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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