I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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