I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
