So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
pray to the hookup gods
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
