his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
