I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
