i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
