in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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