I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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