Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i will never coherently bang her
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
