i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
