Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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