Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
