Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I forget how to act sober
Randomize