i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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