I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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