You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
