oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
then he tried to convert me to islam
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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