So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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