2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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