I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
