fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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