Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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