onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
