dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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