I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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