May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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