Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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