the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
