Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You pole danced in your parka.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
