i love accidental penises.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
