is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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