Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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