I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
