Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I need a burrito and a hug.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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