New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize