I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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