There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
