so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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