I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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