some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
