That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
