this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
