walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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