the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
