ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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