Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
