I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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